anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
