It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
zippers are such a cool invention
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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