hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
