I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
