I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
