on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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