how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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