With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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