yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
