I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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