the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
