I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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