Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
