Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
