i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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