Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
