How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
its not stalking. its research.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
