Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
