I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
