woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
