im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
