There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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