i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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