the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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