I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have already put on my inside pants.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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