Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This baby is an asshole
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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