Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
