i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
