guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I met the friendliest cop last night
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
