dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
