If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
