Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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