I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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