here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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