You're completely useless in the revolution.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
