You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
