Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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