Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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