Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
