Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
