Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
