i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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