She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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