Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
