How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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