I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
