i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
