my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
