Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i believe in u and ur pee
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
