oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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