I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
