is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
