My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
