he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
