Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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