So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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