I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
