so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
