tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
