my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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