Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
