do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
