I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
