then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
