Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
