New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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