He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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