Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
