it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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