You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
