I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
