Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
