if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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