yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
