so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
