I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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