there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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