i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
