the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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