i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My breasts were aching with rage.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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