eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
