I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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