oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
