Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
