I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
