well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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