i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
