Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
